When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
