I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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