I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
