yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
