im about as happy as oj after his trial
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
