My balls are so social today.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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