So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
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I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
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I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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