i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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