youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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