I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
