all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
