what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
