the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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