just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
