just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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