Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
