they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
