Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
