Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
