Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
