I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
