dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
