My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
