6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
