Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
