I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
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The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
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i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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