We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
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I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
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I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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