And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
