Whod you bang
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
