eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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