they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
