i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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