Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
