What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
