Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
