i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
