Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You ruined the universe
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
