I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize