I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I've blown a few things in my day
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
