Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
