Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
