I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Say something about gay babies.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
