Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize