If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
