shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
