508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
