I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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