end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We have started to decorate penises.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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