Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
