I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
