How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Are we in a gay sports bar?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
this just has baby written all over it
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
