Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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