It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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