peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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