I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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