all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
