I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
