um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
