I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
