And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I need a burrito and a hug.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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