You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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