When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
