You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I want her autograph on my taint
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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