I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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