I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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