he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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