he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
