I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
