I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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