I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
