this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
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just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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