He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
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the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
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I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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