OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
