i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
