Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
