I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Holy sore nipples Batman
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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