You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
